AmAcAm jAck?

2008-07-28T15:34:00.001+08:00

check it out...my first involvement in a short film coming out soon.

2007-10-13T01:12:00.000+08:00

Phew! just paid a whole sum of money just to get this thing back. Nice ride ain't it?haha.

2007-03-02T02:27:00.000+08:00

First and foremost,i would like to tell you a story which you won't ever believe me.Working at Ali Cafe have indeed made me realise that there are a lot of strange and unique people in this world.The great thing about is that the unique people that i have went through face to face was that even the stranger that you so called aren't your blood/related to you at all or whom you usually make fun of are the most kindest people of al whereas those whom you look up to or respect turn out to be the most meanest thing of all people.

Take it for instance with regards to todays incident that happen during my order was the arrogant and disgusting,irritating bstrd i've ever encounter.Believe it or not,this bstrd is an ustad with his makcik2 & pakcik2 students.Here how it goes:

Me: Boleh saya ambik order cik?

Ustad :Boleh....blablablabla..& errrmm....

Me: Yer cik,ader aper yg saya boleh bantu lagik? Ustad: Saya nak tambah satu mushroom sauce. (with his shit fcuk face thinking he's such a big shot)

Me: boleh cik. tapi kiter charge for that sauce ok cik? Ustad: Huh?! Charge? aper nie charge?kiter regular customer kat sini. Panggil manager awak? Saya nak complain!! Aper charge2 nie! (With an arrogant face trying to think that i'll be scared when he do that )

Makciks2 & pakciks2:(As they laugh) tu lah. aper aje deknie.kiter kan regular customer kat sini.aper saje je charge2.

Me: Boleh cik.Tak ade masalah..(i smiled) Ustad: ah pegik panggil sini. cepat pegi panggil.

Aku pon aper.punyalah peng! darah naik ajek! tapi takper. aku sabar,Hehehe.

then after that,Cik Zainal(our taukey) came and told that fcuking bustard that we do charge for the sauce and within seconds,the bloody bstrd was paisey all the way!hehehe. alhamdulilah! Ta payah aku nak balas. ALLAH dah balaskan pon.but still,i'm pissed. hehe.

To end the whole thing,i went back there after they have their dinner done and asked....

Me: Encik nie ustad eh?

ustad: Sayer,..kenape?

Me: takde paper.saya tanyer jer eh.hehehhe(i laughed) HAHAHHAHA yess!! the whole table were all so embarresed that they don't there to look at me. hehe.(revenge is served!)

Hint: tomorow bees going off. Miss u!!! so so so so much!!!

2007-02-13T22:22:00.000+08:00

hehe...today i screwed up big time in the morning when i am supposed to go for the holista thingy held at school but neverrmind,it's over anyway. Nowadays i feel kinda lonely lately with these strange dreams every night mingling through my mind and in result missing 'B' when i woke up.

I don't know.Shit do happens.I just got back my bike for 440 dollars(which i really do waste my money on) for my motorcycle and i really can't get over the thought of it not being able to start again.It's kinda scary you know when the things that you really adore and care so much started make a lot of trouble and it ended up in you paying for all the damages that is done.

i'll upload my bike picture as soon as possible and show you how "interesting" i keep my bike nowsadays.haha!Till then, peace out.

2007-02-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

friends do come and go.This particular blog that i am about to write right now is about the changes that had happened around me and the first and foremost issue that i am bringing out to you guys is "friends".

i have come to realise that the world evolves rapidly and friends whom u think are your long-life buddy would be with you forever might even be a stranger to you one day.take it for instance a few minutes ago when i was flipping through the friendster pics during my boredom. I have noticed the changes that each and individual friends that are within my range circles have changed in terms of their intelletual thinking,behaviour or evne the way they dress themselves! My dearest bros naziely and zulhilmi(which at first didn't like girls that much) had their own girlfriends and even had their goals awaiting for their return.Zulhilmi had this pic on him that shows what he had done throughout his attachement and it's kinda cool! Being compared to me,...i'm like a useless fly who wonders around doing nothing with my course.RP hadn't really put any attachement to the courses in the school.

Or even zack,the plump big man whose career is blooming with a pilot aircraft picture in his bigraphy.all these pictures made me realise that changes do occur in ones life through time.As for me?i had nothing.

only a mnthly expenses for my bike and a monthly instalment payment that is needed to attend to.Not only that,same goes to my fellow seniors back then in junyuan secondary.Some of them even had their moment where they had a chance to show off their experiences during the lehtergic trainings that they went through during NS.Even so, the pictures that were around them are a bunch of grown-up/mature faces smiling to the camera.As for me?i had nothing.Just bunch of teenagers in RP crowding for the picture.

Having said those memories,i really hope that whatever that i am doing now has its own benefit in the end.I'm kinda happy with life at the moment but i'm kinda pissed at myself lately for not poutting up that certain amount of standard so that the demand if withstanding my relationship with my gf would be much better!She realy had sufferd enough and each time i lay at night by my bed,i would always have this moment of reflection to myself on whether i ahve done well for her.It might be easy for you guys but for me,having the age gap of 2 years is a really hard thing to do.You as an individual not only need to "upgrade" your interllectual mind to a higher level so that it would be as the same level as them but you should also be the best among the best so that you won't look stupid whenever you are with her.It's a really hard job to do.Real hard.

but overall,im blessed to have 'her' as my gf as she the only one that really understand me as a person.jealousy?hatred? it's already in her dictionary.

well,i'm sigining off right now and here are some of the photos that had happened recently.

2007-01-05T11:02:00.000+08:00

Life has indeed have been in a full blast shit eversince people thought that I was just wasting my time and money to do something stupid.My mom in particular have been discouraging me since little and have constantly said on how stupid or how careless I am whenever handling things.It’s as if I was some kind of shithead who doesn’t know how to value the meaning of difficulty and the biasness that is happening in the world.Come on mom. Trust me. I'm 19 now.For how long are you going to keep me in the dark and constantly taking care of my every single move that I am doing.Just give me space will you!Fine with me if you nag about the 20 dollars that I withdrew out of the bank account.But to be frank, all that money that was used are actually being used for my stupid bike that I have!! Have you ever give it a thought that somehow or rather how the f*ck I get the money to pay for all the expenses such as the fuel, or spoiled machineries for my bike?? Have you thought that huh!?Now listen properly mom, even though you would think that I am some kind of stupid jackass motherf*cker who always waste my parents money for nothing? think again.Because one day, I'll promise you that every single cent that you have spent on me until I get my degree one day.I'll swear I would pay every penny of it back to you so that I owe u nothing! And one more thing..pls stop showing the sympathy face in front of everbody because it would really create a burden to me ,as when the people in the house saw that, they would instantly give me a stupid bad impression/face.I know that’s your main motive was to make me feel guilty and stuff but frankly, it ain’t going to work anymore because I’m so sick and tired of being nag and bullied all over the house!!

2006-08-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

Change is indeed inevitable.I do admit that its part and parcel of life on which everyone has to undergo it sooner or later. Take for instance at the end of the semester. When everyone has to change class for the next semester.

I really felt that at first, we had several good friendship going on and our bond seems to be much closer during the first few weeks.However, noone can change the facts that we are going to be seperated at any point of time.Having a change in group is a minor thing that i can accept but having a change in class? that seems to be impossible!Reason is simply because of the strong bond that we have shared during the past few weeks and since we have been together for the first semester, its likely impossible to adapt to new changes in the surrounding. Indeed there are several advantages and disadvantages that it brings.Looking through at a different perspective,an advantages that it will bring is that he/she will be able to appreciate new ideas and gain more knowledge so that he/she will be prepared in the future when working with new partners or team members.

Hence, that leaves us with the only disadvantage which is the strong bond that we as a class have created and we will feel awkward when working with new team members. Life is unfair at times. It can never be fair but its just life,you still have to move on and accept the fact that there are more things that you need to explore and meet new people.

One thing which i can never forget is the sweet memories that W26H gave me throughout my first semester.Its a thing that i will always treasure and never forget those moments definitely. There are moments that we share as a class especially Sunnys' laughter and noise, jessicas straight-forward thinking,jacqueline catchy phrase of "dont miss me" and lots more memories with my chill out bros azfar,jeo,yusuf and wee long that will never ever stop cheering up my day whenever i feel down.

Well all that sweet moments may soon be over but to me, i will definitely treasure each moment of it before the semester ends. My relation with W26h is great.Its a kind of friendship and bond that we have made to each other that nobody ever may intrude and understand.

Sometimes, seperation is unbearable to certain individual but as what my mother have taught me when i was a kid, she would always say to me whenever i felt like giving up with the unfair world, she would constantly remind me that "Life is a thing that you need to appreciate,there are ups and down but the most important thing is to live your life to the fullest.Don't ever look back on what have happened in the past because the past won't bring you to the future but it's the future that makes you what you are."

Thanks again Guys!!!

2006-08-11T14:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday was the day everything happened.I finally managed to book my TP.My parents won't just understand, they thought that i always spend my money on useless things but without them knowing, some of my money i used it for my fare, my expenses etc. Its hard when you're growing up.Everything seems to be handled by you and when times goes by, there will be a moment on when you will realise that the urge of asking your parents for money will be a big issue to you.

Life had been harsh.I really feel lonely at times and wondering what mistakes i have done so far. I did change a lot eversince i'm in poly and i do admit it.I rarely had time to spend with my family and i'm usually not at home.I'm kinda being selfish and not thinking of what other peoples thinking.Im really not aware that some of my actions may affect the people that is surrounding me be it my mom, my aunt or even my gf.

My relationship with atikah worsen when i tried to take control of everything and i knew that deep down inside, she is feeling hurt and mad about my actions. Maybe its just me. Maybe it's just the way i'm being brought up.I really felt bad when at a certain point of time i scolded her for being too arrogant and even said things that might hurt her.

I really felt bad. real bad that i couldn't even face her straight in the face to say " i'm sorry". One thing about atikah is that she's one hell of a sweet girl who really appreciate the one she loves.there was once an instance when we fought with each other and she really brighten up my day by telling jokes and even took a cute picture with me.

At times i really wonder and think on how grateful i am to have her by my side.

Here's the photo that we took:

Sweet as it may seem but i really did hurt her feelings and no one can ever change that fact.

Sorry is the only thing that i can say but it will never change anything that had happened.

2006-08-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

aloha everyone.back here blogging and expressing myself o all the people.

It must have been a WHILE since i blog.Its somewhere in 2004 i guess? haha.ok nvm.Just want to tell u all that i'm fine.Sihat .walafiatAlhamdulillah everything is great.finally got into poly after years of struggling in ite.still with my sweet atikah.Shes working now and she's really working hard in going to polytechnic.There are quarrels here and there between but most of the time we are fine.

here are some of the photos of what really happen in my life eversince left ite.

the last day of school....

Just when everything wasn goin on well, as usual, there was seperation taking place. but life in RP isnt the same as ite seriously...really gonna miss u guys a lot man. hehe miz my bee's hair too!!

However, life move on and met new classmates in Republic Polytechic.
Here are some photos:

days in rp first semester...

the bochap brothers as usual....

my one and only malay guy frens in rp....

and guess what? there is going to be SEPERATION again at the end of the semester! everyones gonna change class and there will be no more blood bros.haha. good luck u all! god bless W26H.

2006-03-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

tanx mr.kelvin for ur so called "help" besides shooting or wateva crap u have in my life. i realli don't need u sir. u realli make things worse.

Hint crap: im blessed to have a soulmate like u, u realli make me realise how vulnerable u are to me through ur reactions tonight. tanx again for this "memorable night".

2006-02-19T20:53:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah yeah!!! im back my niggas! wohoo!!!. ok dah. enough. got couple of story to tell. enough with poly alreadi. if get, get lah, if not, notlah. terpulang lah to god. i've had it with waiting. wats with poly nowadays eh? korang korang tak terpikir ker why the heck they look at a stupid piece of result shit instead of a persons own capability? nvm. pegi footloose dgn story poly. for me, i just dun wanna hear it for a while.

k fellas, got story to tell lah brudder n sisters! tadik maser balek rumah dari kendarat, fulermaks, happening! nak tau kenapa? ader this whole bunch of no future,stupid,waste their money,bad attitude bunch of indonesians fighting with each other near blk 10 haig rd. kecoh beb! they were like throwing beer bottles all ard. got one of those guys actualli carried this heavy NO ENTRY sign and started hittin at each others head. bodohkan? bengap bengap. asal bengap sgt? dah pukul members negara sendiri tak aper, dier pukul members dier ngn muker expression yg berkoba koba pulak tu! konon2 hero lah tu!mampos.Hentak kpala dua2 baru tau.

ok dah itu jer yg jadik nari.k dah.

Hint crap: notty eh mata dier nari!! hmph!

2006-02-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

kini terbukti perasaan kesal mengenai kehidupam yang penuh dengan dugaan. Tidak ada benda yang dapatku banggakan kepada cik yah, cik sam, dan ibu kandungku sendiri. Aku sungguh malu dengan kehadiran jawapan peperiksaan baru-baru ini. Adikku iyliani mendapat markah yg cermerlang sementara iyliana pula disanjung tinggi atas kejayaannya. Apakah inginku lakukan? mungkin ini adalah dugaan hidup yang harus ku lalui sempena hayatku. Lihatlah kedua adik-adikku, kedua-duanya telah melayakkan diri mereka ke bidang masing2. Aku yakin bahawa masa depan mereka sungguh cerah jika dibandingkan denganku. Tidak ada apa-apa yang aku ada untuk dibanggakan. Hampa, hampa. Tidak mengapa, satu ari nanti insyallah akanku tunjukkan keupayaanku. Ini semua hanya dugaan telinga yang asik mendengar pujian adik-adikku. Lihatlah! lihatlah dunia! dengarilah tuhan, hanya ku memohon, restuilah perbuatanku ini dan rahmatilah hambamu ini yang perlu pertolongan darimu. Berilah hambamu satu peluang untuk membuktikan keupayaannya. Insyallah, dengan izinmu Tuhan Yang Maha-Esa, aku berjanji akan meragut peluang kecemasan ini..........amin

Hint crap:.....insyallah bee....satu ari nanti akan kita dapat kecapi impian kita bee...insyallah..Sesungguhnya, qada' dan qadar itu datang dariNYA...DIA yg menentukan segalanya, kita hanya mampu merancang...

2006-01-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

kita mampu memberi nafas yg baru kepada kehidupan tanpa bantuan dari sesiapapun,tetapi ia smua terletak kepada setiap individu utk cuba melaksanaknnya.
manusia, tk kira jantina, mempunyai potensi utk mengatur kehidupan mereka sendiri...tetapi mengapa kita manusia maseh bergantung hanya pada takdir? memang benar bahawa takdir itu menentukan segalanya tetapi ia tidak sama sekali bermakna kita harus mengatur kehidupan kita berdasarkan takdir...!! tidak sama sekali!! dan saya tidak sama sekali setuju akan faktor tersebut. kdg2, mcm nak cekik2 aje org2 yg ader prinsip mcm nie. segolongan di antara sesetengah manusia mempinyai prinsip bahawa takdir menentukan segalanya. memang benar ALLAH itu maha menentukan tetapi, tidak kah anda smua terpikir bahwa we can actualli chnge takdir by tryin to make things happen?

many of u wont understand wat im tryin to voice out here but nvm. onli ALLAH noes wat im blabberin about.

Hint crap: if old ways will make US stronger than we are now n if it makes u happy, den ill have it ur way.

2006-01-10T10:03:00.000+08:00

<---- cute aight?well,..most probably u all think we are just a bunch of happy couples who lead their own life happily without any problems,.....ur wrong.

Beneath those cheerful smiles that we have,lies a lot of obstacles and problems which noone can imagine.wanna noe what?as usual, age is the main factor. take it for instance today,bee called me up sayin dat emak consider me as bein smaller than bee. n bee got hurt by that. many of us nowadays didnt realise that now,age plays a part in a relationship.haven't u all notice that parents don't mind if their daughter get married to a man whose older than them but when it comes to them allowing their daughter to get married to a much younger man,its freakin hard. why? why are all mothers mindsets are lyke that? why are u all so biased towards us. makcik, if u give me chance to prove myself to u on how much i realli care for ur daughter n ur family, it would realli change the mindset of all mothers in allowing their daugther to get married to a younger man coz cik, i realli believe that i have the right mindset of making ur daughter happy. even though its too early for me to say this but cik,im reali willing to try....

Hint crap: be strong bee, have faith in us & pray to HIM coz HE himself will show us the way...

2006-01-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

age. many issues involving age may cause a huge problems among people. people marry at a young age, people get kids at a young age, elderly age adult are always respected by the young ones, superiority is the main thing that are always felt by them. i dunnoe, i just dun understand at all. im an adult myself n im confused. bein 18 is most probably a young age for which its hard for people to accept them to have relationships. people always think that they are not strong enough to hold on to their problems n take care of themselves.sensitive an immature are always link to this kinda group age.

i totally disagree with those who think that! wanna noe why? coz certain 18 yr old people for me are the most caring n lovable lot who just wanna make people smile n cheer up anyones' day. for me, they are the ones who have positive mind thoughts about every situation, they love life & certainly their loved ones so so much . sometimes this group of age may do anything just to make their loved ones happy. i admit that they are kinda childish at tymes through their actions and they dun think b4 they do sumthing but doesnt it however ring a bell to u all that sometimes their actions may however cheer up ur day? make u laugh? make u be happy the way u r? n be grateful to life that was given to u?

i noe sumtimes hanging out or havin a relationship with an 18 yr old lad may make some age group look silly n feel odd fitting with them. it might make them feel embarassed through their actions in public or disturbs their image that they are in. but to be frank if i were u, without this 18yr old lads whom u called immature & childish through their actions, there wouldnt be so much love & concern among couples or relationship. just an advise to u all peepz out there. 18 yr old may be a pain in a neck at tymes but plz dun say harsh words or criticise them for their actions,it may however reduce their cheerfulness n happiness in them.

Hint crap: tnx for ur comments & criticism. it realli tore me apart.

2006-01-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

wohoo...at last.got a chance to have a ride with my so called bakal "mak metua". she's so funny!! n i cant deny that! even though there was a visitor or a newcomer there, she was just bein herself n i realli like that. her outgoin n goofyness behaviour towards her children will always spark a laughter in all of those people who noe her,...tnx bee for the ride n tnx pakcik,makcik for the comfy n welcome treatment towards ur guests. i realli had fun there even though i just kept quiet, i observe how bees' family was like n to my overall judgement, it was the most lovable n pleasant family i've ever met,...

went to kendarat first in the mornin n went bck with a ride from bees' parents.kendarat was tiring n lethargic but wateva it is $40 is still wat im waitin for,...planin to give baby $20,n put in $30 in my practical account.got my helmet back just now but for now,...i dunnoelah, mcm half-hearted nak ambik practical bike. half of my heart sayin dat i should stop n think about my future n start by takin car licence n the other half says dat i should continue coz kesian bee,i tak nak she feel left out. entahlah. mcm half-half gitu..

everythin went well for me this endin yr. me n bee gettin closer n closer. not much fightin. my feelins towards her get stronger each day. n im like startin to plan towards the future on wat to do. im startin to hafal some doa after solat.hehe. pelik kan?wanna noe why?long story. dat day i imamkan bee n my doa after solat was like tak teratur n i felt kinda embarassed.hehe.* blush *...plannin to start back ngaji n blajar agama for the sake of myself n my future so dat i can be..alar..u noe.the man of the house!? furthermore, hehe. senang kan kalau dah jadi ketua rumah? takyah ter malu2 atau terkial2 kalau anak tanyer pasal agama..kan bee?*wink* hehe...

for now, my resolution for 2006 is that i just want to reach my 3 goals...first is to have a stable job, second make mak happy n lastly the most important thing in my life is to make b_ _ my w_ _e...insyallah...well, hope things will get better in this new yr.amin.

Hint crap: tanx baby for everything. ur the bestest thing i've ever had. im sori if u felt left out just now when i was doin kendarat for my abg sedara,i noe u felt lonely. im sori bee. i dunnoe bout u bee but im startin to improvise myself for u n our future..i realli dunnoe if u have the same dreams n goals dat i have but im tryin to reach my goals right now bee. im tryin so hard n i just hope dat u'll share this dream with me.

Quote: to be loved by u is a sucess,
to be with someone i love is an achievement,
to be with someone who loves me is life.

2005-12-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

"bila rindu, ku pejam mata mengenangmu, seakan engkau disisiku, diriku di rantau orang, sungguh mesra, pelukan mu masih terasa, cinta mu yg suci abadi, terbayang siang dan malam,...walaupun kini kita berjauhan, wajah dan senyuman mu di hatiku, kau tahu ku takkan mengembara selamanya, tunggulah, sabarlah, ku kan kembali..."-by blackdog bone

haizzz...dat song realli suits me right now...its been two days since my gf have left singapore for johore..miz her like shit man...haha cool heh? the feelin of not meetin ur gf for onli 2 days n ur lyke not urself for these 2 days,..hehe termenung sini,termenung sana,..haha,..i admit these days have made me think some things dat i have done to our relationshp,....haizz,..after kendarat, i have picked up some tips by sum1 there on some points on what gerls realli look for when they are about to get married,...or senang kata, apakah ciri-ciri yang perempuan cari di seorang lelaki sebelom bernikah? get me? ideal husband lah konon2! hehe,...

she have also said dat if u ur not ready to have a family, she told us to enjoy as much as we want b4 its too late..b4 we are ready to have kids n get married. dat kinda stuff etc.
well,..for me i agree but there are some part whereby i disagree with her, its my concept n principle whereas if ur old enough when ur about to reach at an age of 20+ above, marry is wat ur goin to expect next, n u should have the ONE in ur mind n keep it,..

n furthermore if u have been to places n have a lot of mingling ard with friends in the past n have some bad past experineces, u should have thought of settling down by now what?isnt it right? takkan nak still enjoy2 n keep mingling n live ur lyfe all the way sampai tua? crap right?
sumtimes, for me,..kawan kadang2 kena letak tepi for our own future..memang btol kawan boleh buat kita happy skarang n tolong kita skarang tapi masa kita susah nanti, saper nak tolong?? kawan jugak? crap.
i dun believe. sum might think im selfish n tak grateful but its the fact.
Most probably, those who are bound to help u are ur dearest 1 to u. n who realli loves u a lot,....who sanggup buat apaper utk u...haizz...entahlah sumtimes people have their own perception about suff....terpulanglah,..for me now, i just treasure wat i have n keep loving them with all my heart,....peace.

Hint crap: miz u baby. still waitin for ur return...

2005-12-17T20:50:00.000+08:00

sad. sad i all i can say for today.

Hint crap: i guess u've chnage back to ur old ways baby...tanx baby for leavin me alone there for a few hours on the stairs...

2005-12-16T13:59:00.000+08:00

today? wanna noe bout wat happened?

heheh sori folks,..havent end yet..still lazing ard in class waitin for my lecturer to end the class...just got back from solat jumaat at kmbgn,....sumthin struck me when i was on my way to sch...i was actualli thinkin about wat i have done for the past mnths,...many things happened n days have actualli passed by without me realisin it,....nxt yr im gonna be 19 n im like actualli stuck here in ite,...just hope i can actualli bluff my way through poly,..

life have its ups n downs n i cant deny it...for now, im just goin with the flow n treasin every moment of it,..im just sad u noe when at tymes i felt dat i have hurt other peoples feelins,..n sumtimes my actions may have an impact on sum1,..its crap. its reali a crap feelin. its true wat my gf told me. when u try to hold on to the person so so much n not givin her space, u will tend to loose them.

yup. im feelin about dat right now. i dunnoe.im just confused. sumtimes u just need to have dat crap feelin of not gettin the attention of ur loved ones whereas they are givin u their upmost 100percent attention.
its realli sucks.
all i wanna do is be happy with my loved ones but it ended up the other way. why? why must i be so "f"cked up at tymes?. maybe im just stupid, n dun noe how to treasure those who are dearest to me. im realli sori to those whom i have hurt especially bee. im sori bee. sori for bein so stuck-up at tymes. i didnt noe im a burden to u. n im so sori for bein slow at tymes till it made u mad. sori bee...sori if i cant give u the happiness dat u wanted. . .im sori baby if my reactions may hurt u in anyway. i just hate myself. plz dun forgive me. i just hate the situation right now we r in dear n i hope the best for our future sweets..tkcre.

Hint crap: i miz ur smile n ur cozyness..

2005-12-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

15th of dec...haizz...freakin day,..soon its gonna be 21st of dec,...haizz..shit dat day,..hate it..hate everythin about those people who have their own opinion n their confidence,..its not dat its not good,but its just irritatin at tymes,..i just hate my attitude at tymes....sumtimes i ask myself on why am i born this way? why? why is there jealousy inside me so much n the tendancy to get paranoid n afraid whenever the closest one to u just want to enjoy life,...let me just list u sum few things dat is running through my mind right now,..

must u feel jealous & piss when...:

ur gf is about to go to a camp for two days, helping out as a volunteer at AMP, mingling ard with guys which i may consider as a threat to me as they have tried wooing her b4..
ur gf didnt tell u dat she kol her ex once when shes mad at u
ur gf made a straight face n ignore u whenever shes with her friends
ur gf always voice out her opinion n made things her way n not lettin her hear out wat u say?

must u feel scared n insecure when...:

ur gf describes to u about how good another guy is?
ur gf hides sum things so as not to hurt u even though u have told her dat its ok to share?
ur gf keeps daydreamin thinkin about her probs n not share it with u?
u c an unfamiliar no. at ur gf hp n she says dat she never kols dat guy but dat guy keeps givin miz kol?
u c ur "threat" hp no keeps appearin at ur gf hp?
ur gf always keep some probs to herself n not share it with ya?

have u ever went through wat i am goin through right now? maybe its just me..maybe its just the "overprotective" bf i am...maybe i have to change...or maybe i have to change into a similar character of all "hack care" attitude bf in the world,..or maybe i just dun think too much about my gf n be selfish about myself,....just think about myself, me n me..!! argh! its feakin frustratin! i dun care wat u mother"f"ckers wanna say about me,....im proud to be wat i am,... its either u take me for whom i am or u just leave!! u wanna know wat else? if lah eh u wanna think bad about me n givin me bad impressions or even bad-mouthing me, go ahead moron!!

coz u wanna noe why? i dun give a "f"...

n baby....im just sori for the way i am...coz i have been born this way...its just me n its just the way of my life,..it has been in me since little,....im sori if i put u through hell by bein jealous....i just cnt control it,...haizzz..maybe u wont understand,..or maybe all of u mother "f"ckers dun understand,...dun talk about age, life or ur sincerity, coz when u love sum1 so so much n u have the thought of spending ur lyfe with her,..this thing dat u cant control will always be in u wherever u go,..........n this thing dat i mention is called "jealous".

Hint crap: ........i just dun noe wat to hint anymore, just eight words is enough to say it all... i l o v e y o u

2005-12-13T20:24:00.000+08:00

wohooooo!!! im back! wassup!..hmm..today?well..its a great day it has been...had a fun tyme with my honey at school....its been two days since shes alone without her bestest fren n as usual, i was there to accompany her...i just had a great tyme with her just now n i dun noe why....well,..projects went well except my 3D stuff,..hehhe pity my sweets, wanna noe why?

not onli she's pissed off about her flash thingy but she's also pissed about my ex msging saying dat she had dreamt about me...hehe..its cute seein her jealous face,..
she even wanted revenge by showin me that she msges other guys,..BUT in the end, we ended sayin sori to each other..wakaka! silly us,...for the first tyme in our lyfe we actualli give n take...we set apart our egos thats in us n sayed sori to each other....nuthin much after dat just the two of us spending our quality tyme with each other...sended her home from school with a memorable endin..

hehehe...have u ever been pushed by sum1 when u wanted to prevent ur shoes from gettin dirty?hmm..many of u wont understand basically wat i am sayin but its just a special moment whereby me & my baby shared together when goin hm from school...hehe its a great day spendin my tyme with u dear...*hugs*

life had been great...im blessed to have a caring gf, a concern mum, & adorable cousins n last n for all my beloved sis...theres nuthin else dat i want in my lyfe other than wat i have now...i hope wateva i have now, will remain forever in my lyfe n i just wish dat this people dat i have mention just now stays with me till my breath ends.....love u all...tkcre..peace..

Hint crap: special moments have to be treasured n not to be erased, special sum1 have to be kept n not to misplace....

2005-12-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

freak u!! u n ur wateva shit u wanna do...lyfe can be so unfair n irritatin if u have sum1 to keep sayin dat im not listenin tohim /HER n im not changing for her....n at tymes i just felt dat everything i do is wrong to him/ HER....wtf. wateva i do is wrong? n everytyme i need to understand ur situations? n put myself in ur shoes? wat about trying to put urself in MINE??,.....have u ever felt happi whenever everytyme ur lookin forward to meet sum1 n dat sum1 give u dat freakin face...? its as if SHE/he is trying to tell u to "f" off...maybe its not dat but at least smile or inform u dat u dun have the mood to talk with u or ur just tired,..theres no need to show me dat freakin attitude of urs?...

have u ever been left alone by sum1 to wander ard a huge place like a stupid dumbass lookin for him/HER? life is so stupid,.. sumtimes u just need to sacrifice a lot of stuff to make sum1 happy even though u dun agree to some stuff, u just have to keep quiet n act blur....wtf. i believe in dat the previous tyme but now? haha. "f" it for now, keepin quiet n dun talk is the bestest way...to keep wat u want n make sum1 happy,..just be quiet.. i think dats the bestest way... my advise to U GUYS out there, dun show how much u love/like sumbody,..just keep it to urself,...if u show, gerls wont just understand...ive been talkin about this shit crap for the past blogs n ive had it with the bullshit thing.......

honestly at tymes u just have to just keep ur mouth shut n dun show ur feelins to dat sum1 coz no matter how much u love dat sum1, ull end up bein scolded by him/ HER for expressin ur love to them...shit with watever happens! ..

Hint crap: silence says it all...

2005-12-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

3rd of dec...a day for which history flashes back through my mind...have u guys ever went to a concert b4? a concert whereby theres a lot of mingling ard between the oppostie sex?...most of u think its ok, n i thought it was ok when my "crazy" days were still goin on...but to think of it, its kinda scary,.. these sort of "mingling" ard can make u feel uneasy dont u think?...a lot of people, stuffy atmosphere, crazy minahs with diff hairdo n oufits,...its scary...furthermore wat if this kinda concert takes place by the beach...?? wont u feel even scared?..wat if there was a huge wave such as the tsunami hit singapore n it happens dat the beach dat has the concert goin on was the first target of the disaster?....hmm...wateva it is,..im jsut referrin to the HANYUT concert dat was held just now by the east coast beach...it was stupid if people wasted their tyme to watch dat kinda thingy..why would a person lyke me go to such place?its so freakin stupid!.......ok i lied. i did went.

the place was fully packed with all kinds of people mostly stupid malay people like me who wasted our tyme n our responsiblities to spend our tyme just standin n watch dat funny fat guy suhaimi yussof making a fool out of himself.. yar yar..i know i talk a lot n complain about this event. but wat the heck...i was so bored at hm n missin my gf so so much n i had nuthin to do...besides,i need to ease my mind a little while beside the beach...well..nuthin can change the fact. even though how hard im tryin to not think of my gf dat much, her presence, her sweetest smile keeps running through my mind till it makes my hand to feel realli itchy to msg her...hehehe i think she was pissed for disturbin her peace...(hehehe sori sweets)...

many of us esp. teenagers at my age or even younger didnt realise dat the days of throwing the bad deed is gonnna be to late if they doesnt start from now...i kinda feel sad lookin at minahs who had tattoo all ard them n those little teenagers who are still "learning how to walk" follow the wrong path....its sad. sad but true. this is wat happen to young malays nowadays...they are so naive n dun think about the future. if they got the results den they want to throw their mistakes but by den, its too freakin late,...stupid stupid.

Hint crap: the breeze by the beach made ur presence sniff through my mind...miz u baby.

2005-12-03T00:16:00.000+08:00

wat a day it has been!!!! for the first tyme in my lyfe, i was appreciated!!...love u sweets!...everything went well for me today...it was a quite memorable bdae gift dat i have gave to a special sum1. we went on to have some food at swensen n headed straight to esplanade for the boat ride.. by right actualli, we had plan everything well but due to the rushing of tyme, we just brainstorm any ideas dat just came out from our minds n it happens dat the Boat ride was the first in the list!! at first i thought, it will be quite lame thingy to do but its actualli not.

it was the bestest sweetest moment ever. it was the moment of perfection. everything went well. my life was at ease throughout the whole sleepless night with the breeze blowing past our ears.yup. we talked through the wind with our hearts connecting.

anw,for now, i just wanna be by her side, love her n support her throughout her whole lyfe n journey,...i just wanna be there whenever or wherever she needs me....n i just want to prove her n to let her know dat how much precious she is to me n my lyfe,...im indeed glad n blessed to have this special gift in my life dat have been with me for this 4 mths..its sumthing that i have to treasure n keep for the rest of my lyfe.....

Hint crap:love u my dearest 1....there's nothing more dat i need to ask for other than ur happiness n ur smile....

2005-12-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

wohhooooo!!! 1 more day left...the day has come..the very day dat u have wanted and waited is finally here..hmm..but its weird though...wanna know why?...coz my bee bdae falls on the next day after tomorow n im the one bein so excited instead of her.i guess its just dat im celebrating it for the first time n im quite nervous ...well its not dat i have never experience it b4 but the feelin this tyme is so freakin diff.!! i dunnoelah..its just diff. u know when ur realli interested in sum1 n ur willing to do anything nice just to please her....

life is tough this days...tried gettin a job once, currently in a "no money" state, stressin about school work, thinking of my licence, pressurize of buying a bike, get jealous about certain stuff, trying to change myself in order to keep my precious1...shit! all of this are like mingling through my mind n jumbling up into 1 "ilyas"...i dun think u all understand wat im bullshitting here but ya,its basically wat im feelin right now...im so tense up with the surroundings n im kinda lost sumwhere in the middle of it....n now i have to think of wat bullshit thingy i have to say infront of the class later on...crap them man. my english is not dat good anw..so why bother man.wtf.

Hint crap: its hard to try, but im willing to learn.

2005-11-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

life,...why must it be this way? i didnt know dat such a simple thing can be so complicated....i didnt know some jealousy stuff dat has been goin on must be kept a secret to oneself....sometimes, when u love sum1, u must realli be aware of how u react to others as in ur surrounding of people....henceforth, its realli hard for me as a guy m myself to understand the opposite party/ sex.... life can be so unfair...when u have all the attention u need, GOD might have other plans n change it the other way round,...im not complaining about HIS creation or fate but its just dat sumtimes, u will tend to get the urge whereby life is sooooooo unfair to u,...why must a day dat has so much memorable moments together n a holy lot of attention from the other party has to end up in fighting n disatisfactions??...

i sumtimes dislike how people think about me n i realli hate people to have a bad impression on me...but im helpless,wat can i do???....its the complex thing dats in me since i was little dat makes me this way...jealousy have been a way in my life for which i have been trying to get rid since i have been with this gerl of mine...but to think about it in a positive side, jealousy is not so bad for me coz for me,when i get so tense up n jealous, its just means dat i realli doesnt like wat shes doin right now n i need her attention ...sometimes its hard for me to explain my feelings...why must people see this thing as the other way round? why must they have this misconception of me bein immature n not seein things in a more maturity way??...

sometimes "some people" dun realise how much ME as a person love dat special sum1 so much...its just dat,dat special sum1 must have dat "faith" in our relationshp n try to think about why this jealousy thing is in me n why im reacting it to every situation...its not dat im asking her to listen to whatever i say but just take a few seconds for a while to ponder n think whether im similar to whoever guys dat u have ever seen for which whom cares for u a lot n gave u all the attention he has for u....

have u thought dat?its not dat i wanna target this to her n promoting myself... but its just dat try to think it in the other way round...have u ever thought of dat?..have u ever thought dat a more caring n lovable as well as jealousy yet "thinking of her" kinda guy is a far of much better 1 rather than a person/guy with a principle of trust n dun think too much kinda guy a.k.a "hack care attitude"?.......

hint crap: dun chnge baby,things are meant the way they are...

2005-11-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

Many people or should i say, many gerls are unaware of how guys love their loved1 so much..its not dat we want u gerls to think that we are romeosor dat kinda crap but its just dat we want ouself to be appreciated...it might be contraversial but sometimes guys just want their special sum 1 to be there for them n love them as much as they do love u gerls! its realli hard for guys like me especially to realli trust a gerl who's very outgoin, goofy n fun to hang out with...wanna noe why?

hmmm.,..some might think dat im stupid to not trust this kinda gerls...or sum might think dat i'm just not readi for this mutual trust...but hey, try to look at this point, if "lah" for instance, i give u all some possible situations on whether to trust or not...take it for instance ur gf took a goofy pic with one of her frens during her past, u have a gf whose very particular about herself and always hide her problems from u, u have a gf who did a few mistakes for which it might harm the relationshp dat u build together, whose very close to her guy friends even if shes around u? should i or should i not?? or should i trust her after she made a mistake by calling her ex boyfriend when we had a slight quarell?....

hmmm maybe its my fault, maybe its my fault to think bad about situations like dat...or maybe its my fault to have loved dat special sum1 so so much dat u tend to get so freakin jealous about stuff...

maybe at tymes, i have to be open about things, its realli STUPID if ur not jealous or mad when ur gf call her ex bf but well...life has to go on,..if she knew dat she loved me,she would have felt guilty by now n wont do it again right?

Hint crap: trust trust trust..should i trust u?